The void in its entirety

Part 1

Things are dark in this room, what little light does get in does not offer any ray of hope, all seems to be lost. Do I see a silver lining.... no, but when the mask you wear portrays you as the optimistic one life can be difficult. I have my own issues and nothing ever changes... no money, no job and after 10 months of this shit well that's another blog all within itself. You get tired of looking you know..for jobs. With the unemployment rate at 13% in just the Bay Area and the Bay Area has roughly 7 million people living in it do the math.

Any way back to the void....................

You get numb, you don't sleep, hell you don't even want to eat but you do. Sex is not an option any more, your man hood has been raped off of you like pirates coming a shore for the first time in a year and your the only woman in town. Drinking is an option but seriously most people drink to get numb so that would just be redundant.

The voices can be interesting, I find they can be amusing at times, the conversations, the idol gossip and the stupid arguments all in my head for my entertainment. It's dark, it's cold and there is nothing. Can you hear the echos?

Part 2

As I still sit in the void I noticed that it was particularly quiet. Wait, the voices they are gone. The interesting stories, idol gossip and the stupid arguments gone!!! Is this a good thing? Hello, ello llo lo lo, well the echos are still here. Has the void gotten so massive that I can't even hear myself think anymore?

Wait is that light, a shimmer of hope...yes! I see two shapes they look friendly but I must be careful.

Who are you? I ask.....wait for it "We are neither you or them" the shapes say. What? what the hell does that mean I ask, it means "we are not you and not the people you think we might be" the shapes say. Well that clears that up. Ummm, why are you here? I ask, "You are in a dark void, your life has all but stalled and you see no hope and you ask why are WE here? Okay, pretty stupid question... so you are here to help? NO say the shapes...We are not you nor are we them. Okay, Mr/Mrs shape person I know you are not me but can you shed some light on who THEM might be? "No we are not you"....okay wait, let me get this straight. You are dark shapes that are not me or them but if you were ME you would know who THEM is? Correct!!!!!

WTF!!!!

For the record I have never taken any drug stronger than Vicodin while being in the Void.

So let me see if i have this straight...I see light which is making me see two shapes and they are NOT ME nor are they THEM. Okay interesting riddle

Question Who is not me? Answer Them, No one else is me.
Question Who is not them? Answer Me, I am not them because I am me.
Question Why are they here? No answer for this yet.

Main question....Do you think I have lost my mind?

Part 3

Let's take this back a step as a reminder...I had asked, "Let me see if I got this straight? I see light which is making me see two shapes and they are not me nor are they them. Okay interesting riddle.

Question Who is not me? Answer them
Question Who is not them? Answer Me
Question Why are the shapes here? No answer yet.

Main question .....Do you think I have lost my mind?

Back into the Void we go....

The sun is letting more light in now and the shapes begin to take form, funny they look similar to me. I ask "are you a manifestation of my mind"? hmmm silence. The shapes begin to slowly move into the darkness and in the silence you begin to hear the whispers. After a while one speaks... What do you want most in this world "well I have been in this place for 8 months now a shower would be nice"!!!! Okay, no sense of humor I see.... fine. Umm...OUT of this dark gloomy place? The whispers start over again...The other speaks in an authoritative voice "What are you waiting for"?Ummmm...Ummmmm I don't really know? The authoritative says well don't you think that you should? "Should what? ?Know or get out of here" I say. A sigh comes out of the shapes.


Ok let us help you....
Who is not me.....Us are that's who the shapes say....wait I thought you were them, no we said we are not them.... we are us, "well who the hell is us"? I ask..... then it hits... US is me. Us is all that I am. Everything and everyone who defines my life. Very good Bob you are learning, as the shapes get clearer and clearer.

Who is not them.....Me....You see... I can't be them, I need to be me, not someones version of me because then I would be them., and well that would be absurd. I need to be me so there will be an us.

Why were the shapes there....They were reminding me of the past, constantly and well it is now time to push through that tough barrier and come out shinning. I will always love you Dad and losing you was the toughest thing I have ever had to go through. I made you a promise.....My hand to God dad I will do the very best I can to honor it.

So have I lost my mind?....I really hope so.....I hate to think someone normal wrote all of this HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The shapes vanish without a trace...the sky is becoming clearer...I think I am going to be okay.


Special thanks to Michelle, Veronica and Janine for being the 3 different shapes that shaped me the most in my life. I love you all