Hells remodel

I have been told since I was a little boy that if you do bad things you are going to go to hell. Now as I do realize that this was just a ruse to make me a better boy. Now since I really have no church going experience and only know what I know here is how this plays out.....

Since I know now I am going to Hell and I know for a fact that Satan is afraid of me (Whole different story) I decided to make some changes to make it more appealing, after all he too is trying to rule the world and to be honest when you have blue skies and ever lasting happiness compared to fire and tortured souls its not a great marketing scheme.

So here is Hells remodel plans:

1. I hate heat so Hell would be kept at a nice 68-78 degrees at all times
2. Martha Stewart (what? you didn't think she was going to be here, oh please) will do all the cooking as per your request
3. The whole Satan costume thingy would be changed to jeans, T-Shirt and comfortable walking shoes made by NIKE
4. Fire and Brimstone would be changed to tiki torches and scented candles.
5. Every Monday and Thursday night there would be game night.
6. We would be very selective on who we let in, if they cannot help out in some way then they are not allowed and are sent to purgatory, we don't want every reject in the world
7. Hell needs to be painted a nice soothing color
8. Movie theaters, Shopping malls, home and condos will be built with swimming pools.
9. A water park will also be built for the kids and teens to have a place to go.
10. A special section will be designated for adults so the can have fun, it would consist of comedy clubs, jazz clubs, a disco, and upscale restaurants
11. The loud cries of tortured souls will be replaced by soul songs from the 60's-70's
12. All killers and rapist WILL BE EJECTED as will politicians, except for Nixon we may need him.
13. Grass and trees must be planted...... we need oxygen dammit!!!!!
14. Satan, Beelzebub and the Devil would have to step down as the unholy trinity and work as sous chefs for Martha.
15. Pot is allowed but no heavy drugs.
16. Granny panties are not allowed
17. Exercising is mandatory....we don't need a bunch of unhealthy souls lying around.
18. There is no law in hell but there are consequences!!!!
19. Hell is free, you paid with your soul how much more can we take we are not the IRS.
20. The lake of fire is now an activity center and beach for all to enjoy. Fishing and boating is available now that the fire has been put out and the lake is now filled with water.
    
21. Weekend passes will be available for a loved one to come visit for the weekend. Passes are available for 24 or 48 hour increments and are available at the Diablo center located just 1 block south of the lake of fire.

See Hell looks like a fun place......Remodel will take 3 years to be complete so sometime in 2015 provided the Mayans were correct. if the Christians are Correct well, it will be ready by 2014 and if nobody is correct well I will get to it when I can.